Posted by Jim Carey on October 25, 2010 at 05:47 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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On a Lighter Note… (you know we’re just kidding….)
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, which means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO .... Cocoa Beans ... another vegetable!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. <g>
Posted by Jim Carey on May 07, 2010 at 05:36 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
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- contributed by Steven Gibb; thanks to Mike Adams, Health Ranger
Posted by Jim Carey on May 04, 2010 at 09:42 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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Cartoon by Jason Love, with thanks to www.RawFamily.com. (click on picture for a larger version)
Posted by Jim Carey on May 01, 2010 at 07:58 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Jim Carey on April 29, 2010 at 08:50 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
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Why is it that when you mix water and flour together you get glue...
...but when you add eggs and sugar, you get cake?
Where did the glue go?
The glue is what makes the cake stick to your butt.
Posted by Jim Carey on April 24, 2010 at 10:20 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Jim Carey on April 19, 2010 at 01:44 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Jim Carey on April 19, 2010 at 06:55 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Jim Carey on April 18, 2010 at 07:57 AM in Gardening, Humor | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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Complaint: "Doctor, I have an earache..."
Response:
2000 BC Here, eat this root.
100 AD That root is heathen; say this prayer.
1850 AD That Prayer is superstition; drink this potion.
1940 AD That potion is snake oil; swallow this pill.
1980 AD That pill is ineffective; take this antibiotic.
2000 AD That antibiotic is artificial; Here, eat this root and say this prayer!
Posted by Jim Carey on April 16, 2010 at 07:52 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Jim Carey on April 13, 2010 at 06:22 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Feedback from the eggs...
Sent to me via email; original source unknown. If you know where these pix came from, please let me know.
Posted by Jim Carey on March 29, 2010 at 11:27 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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"The Vegetable Orchestra” – 6 minute video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpfYt7vRHuY
Everybody needs one of these!
Posted by Donna May on January 30, 2010 at 03:08 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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NEW YORK—The Food and Drug Administration today approved the sale of the drug PharmAmorin, a prescription tablet developed by Pfizer to treat chronic distrust of large prescription-drug manufacturers.
Pfizer executives characterized the FDA's approval as a "godsend" for sufferers of independent-thinking-related mental-health disorders.
"Many individuals today lack the deep, abiding affection for drug makers that is found in healthy people, such as myself," Pfizer CEO Hank McKinnell said. "These tragic disorders are reaching epidemic levels, and as a company dedicated to promoting the health, well-being, and long life of our company's public image, it was imperative that we did something to combat them."
Although many psychotropic drugs impart a generalized feeling of well-being, PharmAmorin is the first to induce and focus intense feelings of affection externally, toward for-profit drug makers. Pfizer representatives say that, if taken regularly, PharmAmorin can increase affection for and trust in its developers by as much as 96.5 percent.
"Out of a test group of 180, 172 study participants reported a dramatic rise in their passion for pharmaceutical companies," said Pfizer director of clinical research Suzanne Frost. "And 167 asked their doctors about a variety of prescription medications they had seen on TV."
Frost said a small percentage of test subjects showed an interest in becoming lobbyists for one of the top five pharmaceutical companies, and several browsed eBay for drug-company apparel.
PharmAmorin, available in 100-, 200-, and 400-mg tablets, is classified as a critical-thinking inhibitor, a family of drugs that holds great promise for the estimated 20 million Americans who suffer from Free-Thinking Disorder.
Pfizer will also promote PharmAmorin in an aggressive, $34.6 million print and televised ad campaign.
One TV ad, set to debut during next Sunday's 60 Minutes telecast, shows a woman relaxing in her living room and reading a newspaper headlined "Newest Drug Company Scandal Undermines Public Trust." The camera zooms into the tangled neural matter of her brain, revealing a sticky black substance and a purplish gas.
The narrator says, "She may show no symptoms, but in her brain, irrational fear and dislike of global pharmaceutical manufacturers is overwhelming her very peace of mind."
After a brief summary of PharmAmorin's benefits, the commercial concludes with the woman flying a kite across a sunny green meadow, the Pfizer headquarters gleaming in the background.
PharmAmorin is the first drug of its kind, but Pfizer will soon face competition from rival pharmaceutical giant Bristol-Myers Squibb. The company is developing its own pro-pharmaceutical-company medication, Brismysquibicin, which will induce warm feelings not just for drug corporations in general, but solely for Bristol-Myers Squibb.
"A PharmAmorin user could find himself gravitating toward the products of a GlaxoSmithKline or Eli Lilly," BMS spokesman Andrew Fike said. "This could seriously impede the patient's prescription-drug-market acceptance, or worse, Pfizer's profits in the long run."
"Brismysquibicin will be cheaper to produce and therefore far more affordable to those on fixed incomes," Fike added.
The news of an affordable skepticism-inhibitor was welcomed by New York physician Christine Blake-Mann, who runs a free clinic in Spanish Harlem.
"A lot of my patients are very leery of the medical establishment," Blake-Mann said. "This will help them feel better about it, and save money at the same time."
PharmAmorin's side effects include nausea, upset stomach, and ignoring the side effects of prescription drug medication.
- contributed by Gerald Perry, with this footnote:
"NOTICE: Due to Presidential Executive Orders, the National Security Agency may have read this email without warning, warrant, or notice. They may do this without any judicial or legislative oversight. You have no recourse nor protection."
Posted by Jim Carey on January 27, 2010 at 03:14 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Jim Carey on January 23, 2010 at 04:53 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)
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I was having an out of body experience one day so I grounded myself and got centered with the help of my spirit guides and almost astral traveled anyway, but the phone rang.
I sensed the negative vibrations so I threw the Ching and checked my numerology chart and nearly had a primal, but my energy was too blocked, so I did some bioenergetics and self parenting, took some flower essence and ate an organic oat bran ginseng muffin, but my inner child wasn't feeling nurtured yet so I had a Rice Dream Frozen Pie too, but that made me hyper so I did the relaxation response while listening to my subliminal tapes, but I was feeling depersonalized so I did some polarity work, foot reflexology and past life regression, then rebirthed myself and called Moon Beam, the bodyworker, to make an appointment for a Shiatsu, Reike, Rolfing, Feldenkreis, Swedish, Japanese deep tissue massage, but she flaked out and never returned my call, so I decided to energize my crystals and do some positive imagery because all my visualization techniques and affirmations made my space feel invaded, so to get empowered, I got a psychic reading from Mother HeartLove around the issue of my assertiveness so I could feel my radiance and have some energy for my psycho-calisthenics and inversion swing before my harmonic brain-wave synergy session, which made me more focused for my actualization seminar, holistic healing class and dreamworkshop, so I'd be more clear for my Gestalt behavioral cognitive transpersonal Rechian Jungian Freudian Ericksonian session at the hot springs but my aura was weak for my trance- channeling group so I fasted until noon to recharge my chakras and I sensed my intuition was high and my cycle was focused, so I turned on my ion generator to open up for my neural-linguistic programming session, but I needed to have my pyramid recharged before my guided synchronicity meditation, so I got some cranio-sacral therapy, which aligned me for the fire walk, which was between my tarot card reading and my sensory depivation tank appointment, but after all that I felt what I truly needed was a meaningful relationship to mirror myself so I went to my personal shaman, and then to my guru, but they were no help, so instead I went to the Intensive Whole Life Earth Rebirth Cosmic Expo Symposium Workshop to find someone who really knew what was going on, but that didn't work either, so I locked myself in a calcium coated Orgone Box and went to sleep so I could "get it" in the dream state.
Now you know why most so called healing modalities don’t work. Yes, some of these do present temporary relief but if you have to KEEP doing something over and over to achieve wellness, you are treating the symptom and not the cause. Remember, it’s all about cleansing (fasting) and building (proper nutrition from Gods whole foods).
Total wellness should be and is VERY SIMPLE for the most part!
Posted by Donna May on January 20, 2010 at 02:00 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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A short humerous video about inappropriate cell phone usage, submitted by Steven Gibb: chiDiet.com/rsf/Cellphone.wmv. (2 mb)
Posted by Jim Carey on January 15, 2010 at 12:53 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Smile! Life is Rawsome!
Posted by Jim Carey on October 10, 2009 at 02:55 AM in Backslider's Corner, Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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These are the Embarrassing kind of mistakes that turns a doctor into a plastic surgeon.
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs --- and I was in the wrong one. So I shortly after moved my practice and am now doing Beverly Hills plastic surgery.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, Beverly Hills, CA.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Who is now practicing plastic surgery in Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg who specializes in cosmetic surgery in Los Angeles, CA.
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair who is now performing plastic surgery in San Diego, CA.
Posted by Jim Carey on September 06, 2009 at 04:59 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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"Laughter prevents hardening of the attitudes." - Dunc Muncy
Posted by Jim Carey on August 29, 2009 at 05:53 PM in Humor, Quotations | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand 15 feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer and asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands 15 feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?"
He gets no response, so he moves to 10 feet behind her and asks again.
Still no response, so he moves to five feet--still no answer.
Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"
Posted by Jim Carey on August 28, 2009 at 05:00 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Posted by Jim Carey on August 27, 2009 at 05:09 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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This is a really intelligent look at the state of our healthcare from comedian Bill Maher. Which means this kind of thinking is entering the mainstream. Very encouraging, funny, and true! (4 minute video): http://naturalparadigms.com/billmaher.html
Posted by Donna May on August 26, 2009 at 05:03 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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A fellow was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost a least 5 pounds".
When the man returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 pounds!
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The man nodded... "Yea, but I'll tell ya, I thought I was going to drop dead by the 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping all day."
Posted by Jim Carey on August 25, 2009 at 05:48 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Laughter relaxes blood vessels and increases blood flow -- the exact opposite of what your blood vessels do when you are stressed. In a small study of healthy men and women with normal blood pressure, watching a funny movie increased blood flow by about 22 percent. If funny movies aren't your style, spend time with the people who tickle your funny bone.
Read more: http://www.realage.com/news_features/tip.aspx?v=1&cid=17610.
Posted by Jim Carey on August 24, 2009 at 04:21 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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As many of you may already know, I love gadgets and occasionally I share tech news I've learned with hope that it'll make your life a little easier and more fun. With that in mind, this latest "innovation" -- a tech-obsessed chef who has developed edible food off a color inkjet printer -- is something I thought many of you would enjoy, especially since it relates to foods. .
A Chicago-based chef, Homaru Cantu, appears to be a major tech geek. He has modified an inkjet printer to "create" dishes made of edible paper that can taste like anything from birthday cake to sushi. Here's how it works:
Additionally, the menu at Cantu's restaurant (Moto) is edible, as customers can tear it up to turn a bowl of gazpacho into a new version of alphabet soup. Cantu will even season menus to taste like the main courses. He'll also prepare edible photographs flavored to fit a given theme. For example, an image of a cow might taste like filet mignon.
However, until the paperwork is filed on patents, the chef isn't revealing how he modified the print heads to write in vegetable juice. Nor is he giving away any recipes for his colorful inks, other than to say carrots, tomatoes and purple potatoes are involved in "the formula."
Cantu's Culinary Inventions on the Horizon
Inkjet food is merely one of the more "conventional products" Cantu has in development. He's also currently experimenting with liquid nitrogen, helium and superconductors to make foods levitate and has tested a hand-held ion-particle gun to do just that.
He also aspires to cook steak with a hand-held laser to sear the center of the meat until it is well done on the inside and medium rare, or even raw, on the outside. Cantu imagines using the laser to bake bread as well -- with the crust on the inside of the loaf. And that's still not all: Cantu remarks, "I want to make food float, I want to make it disappear, I want to make it reappear, I want to make the utensils edible, I want to make the plates, the table, the chairs edible."
While all of Mr. Cantu's inventions and aspirations sound exciting, not to mention incredibly interesting, I'm going to have to pass. So thanks, but no thanks -- I'd rather eat real food, and on a plate, not above my head.
Posted by Jim Carey on August 23, 2009 at 05:21 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower, spinach, and green, yellow, and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" and Man said, "Yea," and Woman said, "and another one with sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthy yogurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand Island Dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave Man cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to get up to change the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin, sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created the 99-cent cheeseburger. Then he said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yeah! And super size 'em." And Satan said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
Posted by Jim Carey on August 22, 2009 at 05:31 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Jim Carey on August 21, 2009 at 05:45 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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"When you see the Golden Arches you are probably on the road to the Pearly Gates." - William Castelli, MD, Director of Framingham Heart Study
Posted by Jim Carey on August 20, 2009 at 08:34 PM in Humor, Quotations | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Jim Carey on August 20, 2009 at 05:52 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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You’ve probably heard that laughter is the best medicine, and, indeed, laughter is one of the key ingredients to staying healthy. From relieving anxiety and stress to keeping a positive outlook, a good hearty laugh at least once a day is certainly something to strive for. Take a look at the medical jokes below to get your laughing started right now.
A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand 15 feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer and asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands 15 feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?" He gets no response, so he moves to 10 feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet--still no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"
----------------------------------------------------
A List of Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:
* Oops!
* Has anyone seen my watch?
* Come back with that! Bad Dog!
* Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?
* Hand me that ... uh ... that uh ... thingy
* There go the lights again ...
* Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
* Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
* What do you mean, he's not insured?
* FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
----------------------------------------------------
A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"OK," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
----------------------------------------------------
Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274" is his reply.
The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor shakes his head sadly then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
----------------------------------------------------
A woman went to see her doctor. After about 15 minutes with one of the new doctors, she went screaming down the hall. Another doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was and she explained.
The second doctor went back to the first and said, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old. She has four grown children and seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor simply smiled and said, "Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"
Posted by Jim Carey on August 09, 2009 at 11:18 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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Want a totally free, simple way to boost your spirits and your health with no prescription needed? Then you want to laugh and smile as much as possible. As simple as it sounds, laughing and smiling, in other words allowing yourself to get swept away with overall good humor, is beneficial to the cardiovascular system, respiratory system, muscular system, central nervous system and endocrine system: http://www.mercola.com/2003/oct/11/laugh_smile.htm.
Posted by Jim Carey on August 08, 2009 at 11:20 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
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These two had me laughing out loud at their promo video, "Sexy B****** Like it Raw."
Quote: "Sexy B****** Like it Raw is a sketch comedy meets cooking show; pure mind-blowing entertainment. Our goal is to inspire healthy living by showing the benefits of a healthy life. The word 'health' meaning: mindful of body, mind and soul; play often, laugh everyday, eat whole foods, follow your intuition always, and your mind will naturally be clear, your soul satisfied and your body banging!"
Crude and funny. 3 minutes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTxVYuFJsIY.
[A train wreck springs to my mind!]
Posted by Jim Carey on August 01, 2009 at 02:08 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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The Article, “Laugh Your Pains Into Submission” by Libby Neumaier, was so popular that reader feedback convinced me to create a page of links to humorous websites:
Healing Humor Links
Basic Jokes: Clean Jokes-Dirty World: http://www.basicjokes.com/.
Extensive collection of well-categorized clean jokes rated by users as well as comics, quotes and satire. Daily mailing list.
Blog-Fun: http://blog-fun.blog-city.com/index.cfm.
Rest assured that we'll continue to use real humans to bring you Blog-fun.. Sophisticated humor.. software, technology.. relationships.. kids..
Funny Pictures Lady: http://www.funnypictureslady.com/.
Funny pictures of babies, dogs, cats, people and other animals.
Ask Uncle Ralph: http://www.askuncleralph.com/.
The "Dear Abby" of the Trailer Trash community. A unique bit of humor taken from the life we lead.
HeySko - The Break Room fun & humor: http://jaysko.tripod.com/.
Your source for fun and humor,funny jokes,funny pictures,gag idea,gift ideas and more.. Simply fun for all ages!
Jokes Warehouse: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/.
Jokes Warehouse is a website with hundreds of jokes, a joke of the day, 9 daily updated cartoons, and a mailing list.
Oz Jokes.com: http://www.ozjokes.com/.
huge database of jokes and funny stories
Squackle! Funniest Site on the Net: http://www.squackle.com/.
This is an evergrowing archive of funny stuff, including funny jokes, stories, pictures and much more.
Posted by Jim Carey on July 31, 2009 at 04:28 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Jim Carey on July 30, 2009 at 10:53 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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"Licensed to Pill" is a humorous video animation and commentary on a very serious subject - the typical American family medication situation: http://www.cafeoflifepikespeak.com/Videos/Licensed%20To%20Pill.swf.
Posted by Jim Carey on June 26, 2009 at 02:15 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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If you've ever played with a Spirograph as a child, you'll be entertained by this interactive flash animation piece: http://www.deviantart.com/view/14080073/.
Posted by Jim Carey on June 15, 2009 at 06:01 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Corrina Suveges took first place with her Salad Dress. Reminiscent of a celery stalk, this body-hugging evening gown is made of organic-cotton sateen. The bikinilike bust emulates two leaves of radicchio, and the mermaid hemline has layers of wild-greens–shaped panels made from hand-felted, hand-dyed Merino wool and organic-cotton batting: http://www.straight.com/content.cfm?id=19257.
Posted by Jim Carey on June 13, 2009 at 09:03 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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Spotted on Bell Road recently:
Posted by Jim Carey on June 05, 2009 at 07:52 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. Upon returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied.
"I think it's printed on the bottom."
Posted by Jim Carey on June 04, 2009 at 04:31 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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A shortage of masks has led some to interesting innovations.
Since the typical paper masks sold in drugstores are ineffective against flu virus, this is equally as effective!
A better alternative is, of course, to maintain a healthy immune system with raw living foods!
Posted by Jim Carey on May 23, 2009 at 02:50 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Are humans just pawns in plants’ clever strategy to rule the Earth?
At this 2007 TEDTalk in Monterey, California, author Michael Pollan asks us to see the world from plants' perspective.
Posted by Jim Carey on May 01, 2009 at 06:15 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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NUTRITIONAL HEALING
by Elizabeth Neumaier
The idea that a few chuckles can diminish the effects of illness has been around for a long time. And why not? If stress can cause illness, which has been well documented, then why not laughter as another means to start the road to recovery? Norman Cousins, author of the Saturday Review, brought this old idea into popular thought back in the 70's after writing a book about his own illness. He checked out of the hospital, stopped the drugs, and started a regime of Candid Camera, Laurel and Hardy, and Marx Bothers episodes, and mega doses of vitamin C. He found he could sleep for several hours after his doses of laughing and eventually recovered enough to go back to work.
What actually happens is that laughter removes stress hormones, raises T-cells (which fight disease), and B-cells (which raise production of destroying antibodies). Endorphins are raised, which are the body's painkillers, and increases the sense of well-being. Laughter also releases muscle tightness, especially in the neck and shoulders where a lot of people carry their stress. Hospitals routinely engage clowns and magicians because it has been found that children's pain thresholds are raised for a short time after laughing.
If you think about this idea, it is so true. Do you remember the last time you had a good belly laugh, or went to a party where you laughed most of the night? Didn't you feel good afterwards? Didn't it carry over into the next day, too? My son and I used to go to the same school and drive together each morning. Thursdays were the best mornings because the radio program we listened to had "bad joke Thursdays." We would listen to the jokes on our drive and then get to school and try to remember one to tell a teacher or friend. We always made it through the ride with a feeling of lightness and eagerness to start the day.
There are websites devoted to severely depressed individuals that include joke sections. If you can get a very sad person to laugh at the world or themselves, they can carry on so much better. So my advice to you this month is to go find a joke that you think is especially funny and tell it to as many people as you can. Spread the joy! Help people feel better!
Here are a couple to get you started:
How many meat-eaters does it take to change a light bulb? None--- they'd rather not see how their food is made.
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
Hope you have a great week!
Health and nutrition therapy by appt.
Libby Neumaier, Naturopathic Educator
Women With Wings, Committees chair
Libby Neumaier is a Naturopathic Educator and working on her Masters of Naturopathic healing. She and her family have been vegetarian for 11 years and Vegan for 5. Libby has been a member of VIM (http://all4vegan.net/) for two years and is active in the vegetarian community with animal rights and educational outreach. If you have questions regarding Vegan nutrition please feel free to e-mail her.
Posted by Jim Carey on January 10, 2009 at 04:21 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Posted by Jim Carey on December 06, 2007 at 08:27 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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A friend of mine was telling me her flight from Boston to New York was delayed, which meant she missed her connection home to Seattle.
She joined a group of other passengers, all in the same boat, each hoping to book seats on the next flight out.
All of the passengers waited patiently except for one man who treated the ticket agent very rudely.
"I had an aisle seat reserved and I BETTER get an aisle seat when we get on another plane," he ranted and raved.
A few minutes later the ticket agent announced that there would be room for everyone. "And, sir," she said, addressing the rude fella, "I'm happy to tell you that I was able to get you an aisle seat, sir."
The man, still muttering, picked up his carry on, grabbed his boarding pass, and headed through the door.
The agent then continued, "And I'm also pleased to announce the rest of you will be seated in First Class."
- sent by Sharon Leiss
Posted by Donna May on December 06, 2007 at 10:22 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Our dishwasher isn’t draining, so I was working on it last night, manual in hand. Adagio and Shale were watching interestedly, as I read aloud from the manual to be careful when cleaning the filter as it may contain bits of glass or bones.
The kids were confused about the bones so I explained that most people eat meat, and the bones might end up in the dishwasher.
They were seriously horrified! Their wrinkled-nosed expressions looked as if they were watching the world’s biggest gross-out!
Their reaction is quite interesting. Bones in the dishwasher does sound rather like an anachronistic horror movie, when you think about it. It makes me sure that someday in the future people will look back on this meat-eating era the way we now look at cannibalism.
In Joy!
Jinjee
http://www.TheGardenDiet.com
Posted by Donna May on November 24, 2007 at 01:42 AM in Humor, Raw Parenting | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Thanksgiving turkeys don’t have to be made of meat: http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=1796513126.
Posted by Jim Carey on November 17, 2007 at 05:13 AM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my Black Lab at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog? On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
- thanks to Jan Jenson for sharing this with us!
Posted by Jim Carey on August 02, 2007 at 02:16 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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We're dreaming of a Raw Christmas
Just like the ones of the past few years!
Where our dear friends mingle
And taste buds tingle -
Our gourmet food will bring you cheers!
We're dreaming of a Raw Christmas
Its a lit-tle diff-er-ent we know!
But there's food with the en-er-gy of Light!!
And you dont even ha-ave to get tight!!!
- by Ann O'Conner
Posted by Jim Carey on December 10, 2006 at 03:12 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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Yesterday
All those backups seems a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be.
And there's a milestone hanging over me,
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone away.
I long for yesterday_ay_ay_ay
Yesterday
The need for backup seemed so far away
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.
Posted by Jim Carey on November 27, 2006 at 03:10 PM in Humor | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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